Life sucks sometimes....keeping the faith.... Nov 2015

Life sucks sometimes…..keeping the faith…11/2015

It has been a challenging 6 months. 
Getting our youngest ready and off to college, and back…..
Losing a very, very good friend who took care of Thomas,  @ 57 years old to an entirely unexpected death….standing @ Heaven’s gate saying “how the hell did I get here?”….
Tommy lost another good friend whom he went to school with @ The Henry Viscardi school.  A lovely, positive, funny young woman–lost @ 22 years old.  Lost to her physical challenges……
and now, finding out that another friend from HVS who has MDA is not doing well.  22 years old……..
      It has all been a bit too much, and it had Tommy thinking “why am I in this wheelchair?  why has God put me in this place? I don’t want to be so dependent on everyone for EVERYTHING in my life.  I want to be able to do it all myself—I don’t want this cerebral palsy anymore.”
Now these are rare thoughts for him—he is almost always positive, happy, and never sorry for himself.  Yet once in awhile it hits him, as I am sure it hits all his friends that THIS SUCKS. 
      THIS SUCKS not being able to go the the refigerator and get a drink, THIS SUCKS not being able to walk into the shower and take one all alone. THIS SUCKS that someone must get me out of bed ‘cause I cannot do it myself.  What can I say as his mom?  “yeah it does Tom, and I wish everyday that I could take your CP away” –because I do. Every. day.  If God offered me a miracle to have Tom be able bodied, we would both take that miracle in a heartbeat.  Not because he isn’t great the way he is, taking away the CP doesn’t change WHO he is, but it would be nice to not have the struggle.  Every. Day.
      Tom tells me that when he goes to sleep at night, God comes to him, and talks to him, and allows him to walk in his dreams. God tells him that he knows how tough it is during the day, and he cannot fix that, but in Tom’s dreams God gives him the ability to do all the things he wants to do unencumbered by his physical challenges.  Tommy is happy about this and as always, very pragmatic about it too.  “It’s ok Mom, God understands, that’s why he does it”.
      Faith……this young man has it by the bucketful.  He draws on it when things get hard. He calls his friend Kelly and talks to her about the rough times.  She has gotten him through more than once.  He calls our good friend and former pastor Fr John Gilmartin—-”Talk to me Fr John–it’s a bad day.”  Help me keep the faith today….  Today we went out to Centerport to see Fr John @ his new parish.  Fr John arranged for Tom to speak @ the teen mass. To speak about how he stays strong and so positive.  Fr John and Tom have a special place in their hearts for each other and God.  Tommy is always an inspiration when he speaks at these masses. He does not dwell on his disability or it’s limitations–he talks about what he can do and how there are other people so much worse off than him. About how grateful he is for family and friends that support him. About how one should help others and become part of their faith community.  About how HE can help others. About how much God helps him accept his Cerebral Palsy and allows him to move forward.  Remarkable.  A Saint he was called today…….and he is in that a Saint is true and good and humble and strives to help others. In that a Saint lives his faith.
      Today as we were driving out to Centerport along route 25A, We were talking about his friend that died and his friend who is so ill, and how things have been really hard lately. We are all feeling sad and a bit down.  I pull up at a light and in front of us is a SUV–a pathfinder I think,  and I notice the license plate.  It says “HOLY HUG” and under that there is a bumper sticker that says “Smile-God loves you”   
I just burst out laughing and told Tom to read that license plate…and we all laughed….  God has a sense of humor and he surely sends you a sign when you need it.  I mean Really—”HOLY HUG” !?  How could you not keep the faith after that?